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| Google Maps could not calculate directions between Tutuila and my home. |
Before I arrived home, I was really nervous about heading
back to the States. I had a lot of reasons to be nervous, a lot of reasons
to be excited, and a lot of reasons to be sad.
The 3 days before I left I had TERRIBLE abdominal pains due to nerves. I would lay in the fetal position and try to not
scream- wondering how I could be so excited to be returning home,
but my body could be so nervous to leave Samoa (especially since I’d finally be
getting it proper nutrition!!). I generally don’t do well with transition, and
was worried about adjusting back to certain things. When we had our End of
Service meeting with the other WorldTeachers about a month before departure, I
found myself reading the “cultural re-adjustment” sheets over and over again,
dreading the thought of having to re-find my place and actively work to keep
culture shock in my own country, my home, to a minimum.
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| How to stay "cool" in Samoa while finding wifi. |
“Malo lava” (congratulations) to me- Overall, being home is
wonderful and I am enjoying the luxuries of life on the mainland. Other than still feeling a bit naked when wearing my running shorts around town, and thinking girls in spaghetti straps and short dresses need to put some damn clothes on, adjustment is going pretty well. I love being
free to do what I want to do, basically whenever I want. If I want to run, I
don’t have to worry about whether it’s "dog- temperature", that is, cool enough outside that all the dogs in
the village will come chasing after me. I don’t have to schedule my days based
on the island buses (which is virtually impossible), Sundays are a day to enjoy
any way I want to. The cool breeze that I currently feel on my face, and the fact that I
can be outside in the sun for hours and not feel like I’m a well-done steak- these are nice things about being home. (As I re-read this, I see that my vocabulary has not yet recovered from my year in Samoa where everything is just "nice".) The fluffy dogs I run into on
the street, understanding what people around me are saying (except at the
kitchen in the restaurant I work in, where I get to practice my Spanish!), in
general not sweating all the time, and having fresh fruits, vegetables, and
other healthy foods at my leisure- many of the things I was excited to come
home to, I have certainly indulged in. Being able to get around by car, sleep
in my own bed, and not wonder what kids of creepy crawlers are joining me in my
bed at night- I am without a doubt enjoying these aspects of life at home.
But there are other moments, moments that bring me right
back to island life. Missing Samoa
certainly comes in waves. And when it comes, it comes on strong.
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| Me, Kristina, and Amber being the token palagis and looking like fools while doing Zumba at Teacher Appreciation Day |
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| After dancing and singing for Teacher Appreciation Day |
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| Raina, Karla, Jessica, and I watching the other performances |
Of course, one of the first things anyone notices upon return
from a country that is not as developed as the US is materialism. We all know
what it is, we all know we contribute to it, and only Henry David Thoreau is not guilty. Not that Samoa didn’t have stores, fast food restaurants, nice cars, or
iphones, but the US takes it to another level. This frustrated me when I arrived
back on the mainland, as it always has. I too, am to blame, and I cannot say I
haven’t enjoyed having a Dunkin’s Iced Hazelnut Coffee in the morning, and I’m
currently on the lookout for a new pair of fall boots and a nice leather wallet. But I guess living on an island makes
you forget JUST how big the world is, and how many people live in it. Upon returning,
you realize how much STUFF is needed to support so many people, especially ones so eager to
spend their money. Obviously, this is something I’ve pondered many times while
pursuing an environmental degree, but there is something comforting about
knowing that somewhere in the world, there are tiny islands full of people who
are happy living with what they’ve got- and what they've got is not necessarily a whole lot (by our standards). One of the
things I loved about Samoa was that people had pride. Pride wasn't based on possessions, or how much money they had, or pride
because of how nice their house or clothes were. Sure, wealth was more defined by how much land you had, but none of that mattered on the
surface, and it didn’t make anyone less worth it to stop and talk to, for me or the people living there. As a waitress for the time being, I
definitely feel the stigma that some of my well-to-do customers have towards
wait staff. Some people come in
for lunch on their business meetings in their expensive suits, and rather than
thinking, “Wow, here’s a smart girl who just came back from a challenging year
that I could have never survived, who is planning on pursuing a
master’s degree, who just needs to save some money”, I feel that they think
differently. Maybe that's just me looking to far into it, and that isn't to say there aren't plenty of people who see my Samoa bracelet and begin to ask questions. But I felt no such
hierarchy among or between Samoans. I know it does
exist, but the girl who takes your order or your taxi driver in Samoa is no less
important than anyone else. They are all family.
I think about my students back in Samoa, at home, some
living in such rural areas on the West side that they don’t have electricity,
and running water may be new to them. They have to live without modern technology
and conveniences, but they don’t necessarily know anything else. When I compare
that to my life here, with my computer, iphone, air conditioner, etc, I can’t help
but feel- to some extent-poisoned in a way. Don’t get me wrong, I love having
these luxuries, and after being in Samoa I certainly don’t take them for
granted, but it’s important to keep these modern conveniences in check. One thing that was particularly difficult to adjust to was new iphone apps, new music (or old music, I just hadn't ever heard it in the past year), and new technologies in general. I felt like an idiot not knowing what some of the things people use on a daily basis here were. Just as there are many more islands in the
Pacific than anyone cares to think about, there is a lot more
to life than our fancy technology.
On that note, one thing I can say I took away from my
experience is that I won’t be forgetting all those tiny island nations that are
tucked away in the middle of the vast, blue Pacific. Wrongfully, I get mad when other people don’t realize that
there are PEOPLE living there, and a lot of them! If you haven't, take a little zoomed in tour of a random atoll in the Marshall Islands. Now, my year wasn't exactly like living on one of those spits of sand, but PEOPLE LIVE THERE!!!! It's amazing! I can't imagine what their lives are like. (Okay, I kind of can imagine it, but I have still never lived the way they do). Of course, I didn’t know where Samoa was either until I
looked it up on the map. This would be a case in which I get,
as one of my fellow teachers wrote so perfectly in her blog, “on a cultural
high horse”. It is wrong for me to get frustrated about people not spending their time thinking about the population of Pacific Islanders and how they carry out their simple lives, but I do
get frustrated nonetheless.
I miss certain aspects of Samoan culture. I loved living in
a place that has such a strong sense of cultural identity, even if I wasn’t completely a
part of it. Yes, America is an amazing melting pot of people, whose diversity lends this country its own unique character.
But wouldn’t it be cool to know that everyone around you has a shared history? That you could name
everyone in your village, their parents, their grandparents, and so on, many generations back? That when you tell the story of the
Turtle and the Shark, everyone will know what you mean, and its significance. And that SHARING is
critically important and the only way to live.
When I look back and think about my students and what they
may have really learned from this year, I have evidence- (their test scores),
but I also have their feedback. I brought home with me not only many birthday,
Valentine’s Day, Teacher’s Appreciation Day, and other well-wishing cards, but
also many of the comments that were left on their final exams. I think my
students did learn a lot this year- even if some of their final exams proved it
wasn’t necessarily about science! A lot of my students also continue to try to
make sure I’m going to continue teaching in the states, and are befuddled,
shocked, and disappointed when I tell them otherwise. That makes me smile.
I also realized that learning science in a language other
than your own must be INCREDIBLY difficult. This is something I didn’t really
fully grasp about my students until after the first half of the year was over, and many times
after that. Not infrequently, I would figure out that after finishing an entire unit on something such as “Threats
to Coral Reefs”, that most of the class actually had no idea what a “threat”
was. Oops! Thank you to the brave students who were willing to point those types of misunderstandings out during class! One thing is for sure, I’m proud of my students, and I’m proud of
myself. Even after just a month of being home, I already feel like, “wow, I really
could never do that again. I can’t believe I DID in the first place!!!” Of
course, I could totally do it again (the first year is the hardest, right?!),
now just is not the right time. In more ways than one, the little island of
Tutuila did test me. There were tests every day- physically, emotionally, and
mentally (and occasionally, academically). Some days Samoa won, some days Sara
won. Overall, I'd say we're about even.
I wish I had the motivation to write about the last month of
school, graduation, and the many events that occurred in that time, but it’s
just not in me to try to recall all the happenings and emotions and that went through
my head. I have some great pictures I will share. The "Living on a Tropical Island in the South Pacific" chapter of
my life is officially over, at least for now.
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| Typical- me trying to get a good picture while the adolescent boys are ADD and distracted after baccalaureate |
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| Finally got a good one! |
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| Me and Jesse, one of my senior marine science students |
The next chapter? It may be an internship in marine policy,
it may be graduate school for marine & coastal management, or maybe even posssiiiiiibly
the Coast Guard. It will certainly
include a winter of skiing, lots of time with friends and family, continuing to
sail with Dad, lots of tennis & fun projects with Mom, and hearing more about
Officer Bruce Cleaver’s thrilling life while he continues to save lives and arrest the less-than-worthy while
working for the Lexington Police Department!
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| You know you're in Samoa when.....it's okay to be barefoot at graduation |
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| Happy graduate Jerome with a lot of candy ulas!!! |
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| The monsoon day (no joke, the WORST day of weather of the entire year in Samoa was Leone's graduation day) |
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| Beautiful banner that James' mom helped paint at 3am the morning of graduation |
I think I’m still mentally transitioning in the fact that I don’t
necessarily know what my next step is, and that Samoan Sara and Stateside Sara
are still trying to coexist while also being in limbo. (Those changes in latitudes really do lead to some serious changes in attitudes, and this has become even more apparent upon my return Stateside!) I’m incredibly happy to
have done what I did, met the people I did, and both taught and learned from
the students that I had. I’m still amazed by the places I got to visit,
explore, and live in, and the beauty and wonder of the natural world. I
will miss snorkeling the coral reefs, hiking overgrown trails in the middle of
a tropical rainforest thunderstorm, and seeing gorgeous brightly colored birds
in the lime tree that grew in our front yard. I will miss trying foreign
foods, learning how to do the umu, and learning to deal with the
ridiculousness that Samoa threw our way every single day.
I will miss my students making me laugh, (even when I tried so hard not
to), and for the moment, I miss feeling like I have a huge purpose and
place to fill. I am envious of the new volunteers who are starting school
in Samoa in just a few weeks, but I am also chuckling and thinking, “Good freakin
LUCK!”. One thing that I came to understand throughout this transition
over the past several weeks, is that I don’t believe a part of me was left in
Samoa, but I know that a part of Samoa came back home with me. Just as Google Maps had a difficult time finding directions from Tutuila to Massachusetts (see first photo above), I will continue to press on in my journey to fully bring everything I learned this year from Samoa to my home. It may not be easy, but I think I have a better chance than Google.
<3 Fa’asamoa
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| Enjoying my first hike back in the US- and first time on the West Coast- Seattle!! |
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| Samoan "Siapo"- traditional designs all from the ocean | | | | | | | | | |
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