Sending my thoughts from American Samoa to Samoa, Fiji, and Connecticut and wherever you all are!!

There are many other things I would have liked to be posting about right now- the Miss South Pacific Pageant, Leone High School Swing Choir (my students were AMAZING and that will take a whole other blog post), our field trip to the National Park, but I think it's important for me to take some time and reflect on what is going on back near home in Connecticut.

After Wednesday and Thursday off from school as cyclone days (in which we only got some rain and wind, but Samoa (formerly Western Samoa) got hit and totally devastated), we went back to school this morning (for a half day, since we aren't really in the clear of gales, flash floods, or storm surges from the now Category 5 Cyclone Evan which is headed for Fiji). Seeing the news about how Evan has destroyed many of my students' extended families' homes in Samoa has been hard; when I asked them if their families in Samoa were okay, most of them said "no", and that they were without food and water or they simply could not reach some of them.

Back in Leone, we had collected rain water to flush the toilets with (because when the power goes out we don't get water), made sure we had flashlights, plenty of food, drinking water, etc, and made preparations to have a cyclone party all night (aka guacamole, chicken, drinks etc).

Although we were excited about the possibility of getting a hurricane, we are so lucky.  A cat-2 hurricane passing quickly over us could have been exciting- but only because I know we would  be safe in our well-built homes and because I am an adrenaline chaser who enjoys storms and because I've been lucky enough to have never experienced the true devastation of a hurricane.  However, I found out after a night of sleeping at Kristina's on her couch (because the hurricane was supposed to hit us in the middle of the night at that point and we weren't sure what the repercussions would be, so we figured it'd be best to be in the same place) with a little bit of high winds (hardly at all) and rain, I realized that I am TERRIFIED of high winds!!!  So, if the hurricane had ever hit, I probably would have crapped the bed.  Unfortunately, Evan not hitting us meant it just SAT over Samoa (again, not American Samoa) for 2-3 days and flattened it.  2 children drowned, and there was 1 other fatality thus far.  And Samoa doesn't have the kind of aid from the US that American Samoa gets- so they are virtually on their own (though I hope not) to rebuild from this.  It made me think about the woman in Samoa who I've sent a microloan to through Kiva (for those of you who don't know what KIVA is, you should check it out!! http://www.kiva.org/), a fisher(wo)man, who needed money to fix her boat.  She has started paying it back, and now I wonder if there will be a long gap before she continues to.  I have many questions-  is her boat okay? Is she okay?  Can she start work again right away? Is her family alright?  What other businesses/livelihoods have her and her family lost from the storm?  Cyclone Evan was the 2nd worst hurricane to hit Samoa in recorded history, and our thoughts and prayers are with our neighbor islands.

Now, Evan is headed straight for Fiji- another island nation that we got to know some about through the Miss South Pacific Pageant (I think Miss Fiji should have won!)- but now it's a category 5.  Fiji is preparing to basically be decimated.  I wonder what it would be like to KNOW your small island nation is about to be destroyed and there isn't too much you can do to prepare for it.  I guess it could be similar to the way I think of climate change....we're pretty much screwed, but we still need to hope for the best.

This also made me think about how these small island nations in the South Pacific are largely forgotten from any news back home. We had only about a days warning for Evan, and are now wondering about this other tropical depression to the East and how we would ever know if it even had turned into a tropical storm- the weather stations here are slow and even NOAA - who has a weather station here- doesn't have much focused on this part of the world.  Hearing about the destruction in Samoa made me realize that I really have developed at least a small connection thus far to not only the island of Tutuila in American Samoa, but also the South Pacific and general, the people here, the way of life, etc.  I'm troubled and sad about what has happened to Samoa; I can't imagine how I'd feel if it was this island that was really suffering from the hurricane.  Now I can begin to imagine what it felt like for the WT volunteers in Leone when Leone was destroyed from the tsunami in 2009.  Part of my heart is in, and will probably always be, in the South Pacific.

This morning, Kristina told me there was a school shooting at an elementary school in Connecticut, but I didn't realize the magnitude of it. Once I got to school and started looking at the news, I soon had to close my computer so that my students wouldn't come in and see that I had been crying.

This makes me think about a lot, some of which is even too personal to write about in my blog- which I generally share everything in.  All I wanted to do during school was talk to my parents and give them a huge hug, and jump into a foam play pit with 20 elementary schoolers and play with them all day (that says a lot, because I don't even love little children the ways all of you probably do at this point in my life!).

American Samoa has its own set of issues and problems, but we do not see school shootings here.  While on the bus on my way to use the internet, I saw all the people outside in the rain sitting next to their banana/papaya/taro/flower/coconut stands, and it made me think once again about the stark contrast between our society at home and my current life here and what Samoan life is like.  
Home: lots of money, lots of stuff, lots of education, lots of violence (in certain places, but in general more than here).  
American Samoa: not much money, not much stuff, a developing educational system, but not much serious crime.  I get that there are many, MANY reasons why there is such a difference, and that things like crime rate can also be attributed to the fact that the United States covers a HUGE area in comparison to this tiny island, but I still can't help but think, "this kind of thing would never happen here".  And for now, it certainly wouldn't here in Samoa.  Sure, kids throw rocks at each other after intense football games and beat each other up during school (often times while both are laughing), but a gun massacre involving children would simply not happen here. Is one place better than the other?  Absolutely not.  But seeing both cultures from inside and out has helped me to understand how my values fit somewhere in the middle- a place where I've felt most of my life.... in most situations.... "in the middle".  It's like that cookie commercial where they squeeze the cream in the middle and start singing, "smack dab, in the middle! Squeezed in the middle....).  

I've always been "in the middle"-torn- sand or snow, hot or cold, forests of Vermont and Maine, or oceans, and coral reefs and scuba diving.  And those are just the "either/ors" that I've most recently been fumbling through my brain about.  Samoa has so much that I want to have forever- coral reefs, marine-related jobs, a culture so unique and different from my own in so many amazing ways (an outstanding emphasis on the arts, family, and the simple things in life, not focused on material goods...oh and food (but that is no different than in the Cleaver family), and the ability to let me be part of a bigger change in a place that is transitioning into the larger global context while still trying to keep its traditions and culture close).  But home has its own pulls that I don't even need to bother mentioning- family, friends, seasons, higher education, the Celtics *cough*, and so much more.  

Some things that we make a big deal of at home just don't matter here. And it's hysterical and awesome (though sometimes scary).  Like seeing people driving SUVs around with babies standing up in the front seat with the windows wide open.  Or- no can opener? Not a problem.  Just chop the aluminum can open with a machete. Easy and done.  Or- why do we need running/hiking shoes?? "Can't we just do it in flip flops?"  Samoans are a hardy bunch.  There is mountain hardy- brawny- and there is island hardy. Two different kinds- but neither stronger than the other!! Many of the things I see here we would see as ridiculous, dangerous, or ethically wrong, but they just aren't seen that way here. But Samoans have every right to look into our culture and say to us, "that shit is fucked up!!!!" pardon my English.  One big fear of Samoans moving off the island is all the trouble they may face, or get into themselves.  A common comment about moving to the states is fear about the violence they hear about on the news.  On an island that is 40 miles long with about 60,000 people on it, there are certain things they worry about here ("make sure that when you fight Tafuna after the football game that you don't hit your cousin...but you can hit his friends....", or "be sure to ask your parents if you're related before you start dating") and certain things that are our own American problems- like that of a school shooting and the tragic death of 20-something elementary school children.

Amber's current Facebook status says it best (although if I could just bring the seasons, all my family and friends to here, THEN it would be true for me):
 "Things like this shooting make me want to stay in Samoa forever."

This tragedy makes me think about a lot more, but this was meant to be a short journal entry. Anyway, Amber told me a Mr. Rogers quote that is very fitting right now (and I love Mr Rogers, so what could be more comforting): "When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping." To this day, especially in times of "disaster," I remember my mother's words and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers – so many caring people in this world."

It is so true.  There are so many helpers.  The police officers, doctors, nurses, teachers, people who try to treat and prevent these things from happening- social workers, therapists, counselors, psychiatrists, and parents.  This makes me so thankful for all these people out there- and I can proudly say I know many people in all of these professions.  They are all heroes.  

This also makes me think of how much support, love, and compassion people who witness these kinds of things have shown.  The responses I saw even just on Facebook in a few hours were unbelievable.  I'm sure all of you have read many that brought tears to your eyes.
(hopefully none of the following people care that I've stolen your stuff.... there aren't any copyright/plagiarism laws in Samoa, so too bad for you if you didn't want it on here!!)

A fellow WorldTeacher on Manu'a:
"My hearts breaks for all the loved ones of the people involved in the tragedy in CT. Being a 4th grade teacher, this couldn't hit closer to home."

A friend I went to Umiami with and was with last summer in the Bay Islands:
"I made sure to hug my wonderful third graders a little tighter today...my heart goes out entirely to those affected in Connecticut. How someone could cause that much harm to a child really blows my mind. I am deeply enraged and saddened by this senseless and evil act. Please send good thoughts and prayers their way, I couldn't even begin to imagine how much those affected are hurting."

And my best friend since the first day of 6th grade, and current elementary school teacher:
"Thoughts and prayers are with all of those families, students, and teachers in Newtown during this terrible tragedy...I am blessed to be in a profession where those I work with are like me, who are so passionate and care about their students so much that they would give their life for the kids, our kids, that we teach each day. Love love love my 2nd grade babies and all those students at WR ♥"

Best friend from college, a social worker in Colorado:
"A tragedy that defies all words and reason... my heart hurts for the families and community of Newtown."

And then Obama's words, which have much truth:
 "As a country, we have been through this too many times. We're going to have to come together and take meaningful action to prevent more tragedies like this, regardless of the politics."

I'd also like to share one of my favorite songs- one that was kind of a "moral compass" song if you will- during my time with Common Tides in the Bay Island of Honduras, and has followed me across the world.  You know you're with good people when they like good music, and I can thank my Common Tides buddies for being just awesome good people!!  We listened to (and I was introduced to) a lot of Matisyahu.  Many of you know it, some may not. 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRmBChQjZPs

Sometimes I lay under the moon
and thank God I'm breathing
then I pray don't take me soon
cause I am here for a reason
Sometimes in my tears I drown
but I never let it get me down
so when negativity surrounds
I know some day it'll all turn around
because
all my life I've been waiting for
I've been praying for
for the people to say
that we don't wanna fight no more
there'll be no more wars
and our children will play
one day

Love love love you all, thinking of you and everyone else too!
Sara